black sheep

I got lots of jealous lovers that all wish they had me back
Got a pistol for a mouth, my old mama gave me that
Making my own road out of gravel and some wine
And if I have to fall then it won't be in your line


I wasn't born a beauty queen but I'm okay with that
Maybe radio won't mind if I sing a little flat
I wear my boots to bed, hang a cross up on the wall
To save me from a shallow grave that wants to take us all

I'm a bad woman to keep
Make me mad, I'm not here to please
Paint me in a corner but my colour comes back
Once you go black, you never go back

Baby, you're my serendipity!

Si crede-ma , Ana ca vine un moment in viata oricarui om in care trebuie sa alegi inre a-ti sacrifica fericirea pentru orgoliu sau a-ti sacrifica orgoliul pentru a fi fericit. Si cel mai important lucru e sa decizi astfel incat sa  devii o rumegatoare: sa regurgitezi decizia asta la nesfarsit si sa te poti hrani inca cu ea mult dupa ce ai luat-o.

but I don't, I don't know what that would be...

In each individual the spirit is made flesh, in each one the whole of creation suffers, in each one a Savior is crucified.
Hermann Hesse

I feel the pieces slowly falling into place again and my life being once more traced out from outside of me, from perfect balance and equilibrium with which I will not and I cannot interfere.
I feel once more than I am being taken care of and looked after , Zeus' spoiled brat!

5 pearls os Scottis Wisdom

1. Money cannot buy happiness but…somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.

'Feel some inspiration. C'mon! You can do it! Feel some inspiration!'.
But the motherfucker was nowhere to be seen. So I lid another cigarette and I tilted my head backwards against the couch, just starring at the ceiling. I had many things I should have attended to, but I really didn't feel like facing reality. 'Doesn't matter!' I thought to myself, 'I'll soon face the aftermath of avoiding reality anyway'. Funny how you can't really avoid that bit.
'C'mon. A bit of luck! A bit of inspiration!'
And so I waited. I rolled myself another cigarette. I learned how to roll in the meanwhile, the proper way, not folding against the kitchen table. I lid my second cigarette and put on some Bob Dylan. A few seconds into 'The times they are a' changing' I thought to myself 'Why Bob Dylan?! Why now?!' and I let myself dreamily float away into my fresh memories. I had nothing better to after all.
And so I recalled soft touches on my skin and firm grasps of arms wrapping around me, dancing tongues, endorphins and entwined bodies. I closed my eyes and pictured it, but only for a moment 'cause the phone rang.
-You do call in the weirdest of times, you know?!
-I figured one AM would be a bit late even for you.
-Yeah... I guess.
-How are you?
'Shitting bricks, in love, afraid, homeless, alone but not so lonely anymore, damaged, worried, out of faith, full of hope.' That's probably what I should have said, instead the words that came out of my mouth were:
-I'm alright.
-Are you coming back this September?
-No.
-Are you coming back at all?!
-I'm thinking Christmas. But I'll need you to buy me the ticket for that. Anyway, we'll talk about it some other time, I still have other things to solve in the meanwhile.
-...Ok. Well I'm going home on Saturday.
-Nice. Send your sister my regards and never ending respect. Send my brother...my love.
And there it was I broke a chord inside me once more. I left him alone once more, I disspointed him and let him down. I damaged hm a bit more and made him hate life and its putrid loneliness and cold despair even more. I left my brother alone again. I had to get rid of that thought and fast.
-Will you get him a book for me?
-..Yeah. what book?
-The third volume of IQ84. Please.
-Don't worry about it.
-What have you been up to?
-Nothing much. I killed a lab rat in an experiment-chopped his head off, but at least I made some progress on that, more in 4 days than the head of the experiment in 3 weeks. So I'm not that worried.
-Sounds good. Any plans for home?
-I was talking to my sister about some business plans actually. Nothing fancy, but family runned- with my dad of course.
-Sounds pretty life-shifting to me. Sounds good.
-Yeah I guess. She didn't really like her last job either so she came up with the idea.
-Well..good luck I guess.
-Thanks!Well ...I guess I'll maybe call you from the airport.
-That sounds nice.
-You know, ...I've been thinking about family a lot more since I left.
-Of course!
-No really I might have a child of my own one day.
-I'm pretty sure you will.
-And it's gonna be joyful. I don't want him leaving me for good.
-Who does?!
-...Well..Ok then. I'll call you from the airport maybe.
-That would be nice. Have a good one.
And I hung up. No words were uttered.