3 to think of love

An author must never be modest, but he must always seem as if he would be. Wise words, coming from not such a wise man. That was going through my head when he walked in.I didn't make a grammatical error by the way: he must seem as if he would be.
-You alright?
-...Yeah, babe!
And suddenly all that beautiful calm and deadly tranquility went away and I sank down into the swampy lands of mortal existence.
-Wanna eat something?
-Neah. I'm good....
I left that phrase in the air as if it came from a far too distant land and it's meaning was lost on the way ...or if it was something of much greater truth hidden behind those two words, something that he couldn't really grasp and neither could I.
-You sure?
I looked at him. I didn't need to smile but I did. In my mind, someday he'll look back on these days and think of my smile and know that it meant: "I love you. No lies, no promises, no words, no actions. Right now, right here, I love you.".
A girl has her right to fantasise, but a woman should know better. I guess he was proof that I wasn't quite a woman yet. He made me think in 'maybe' and 'what if':  what if the world isn't such a bad place after all? what if I'm not so bad after all? what if I can actually sing? what if I was thinner? what if I had bigger boobs?.
I hate thinking in 'maybe' and 'what if'...but I loved him and he smiled back. I knew he loved me too. I also knew it didn't matter because the world had plans to take us apart and break what we had. But maybe the Gods decided to give us one of those gifts that are meant to be enjoyed while had and then given back to their holy origins. If so, while the Gods were still merciful, we were happy.
I sometimes held on to him longer 'cause I knew nothing lasts. He knew it as well, but sometimes you comfort children with lies and promises to stop them from crying. And sometimes, children stop crying because of lies and promises, not because they don't know the truth, but because you want them to stop crying.
-How's your essay going?
-If I submit on time, and that's a big if, I promise to get so drunk that I'll dance to Skrillex.
-Good girl!
He wasn't patronising, not as patronising as I was when I said: Good boy! And I liked that. I hate to be patronised! And then he made me smile. I hated that he always made me smile, but I loved him.