11 the funeral

I hear the door to my room opening up with a creek. In a few seconds he was right next to me. I open my eyes slowly, like lifting a heavy rock. I don’t want to but I have to.

-Why haven’t you been answering my calls?!

-What day is it today?

-Saturday. Why haven’t you been answering my calls?! I think I called you about 10 times in the last 2 days.

-When did you get back?

-Just 10 minutes ago. Did you hear me?!

I didn’t want to answer him, but I had to. Like lifting a heavy rock you have to get out of the way.

-Sorry. I kept missing your calls and didn’t have any credit. I didn’t mean to worry you.

-I thought you fucked off or something happened.

I fake a smile. I’m pretty sure the effort that took killed a good part of me. Or at least felt like it did.

-Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere until you kick me out.

-Good.

He paused a bit looking around the room and then he added:

-You need to clean this place up.

-I will. I knew that would make him happy so I was planning on doing it.

-Nicola told me you were acting pretty odd last night.

-Really?

-Yeah. You would say random stuff in the middle of the conversation or just burst out laughing.

-Oh. I was just joking around.

I wanted to add that everything is pretty funny when you’re sedated but I decided to keep that to myself and instead I added

-Plus you know her. She’s pretty odd.

-Yeah. We’ll I’m off to work in about an hour. Now that you’re awake anyway…you want to have coffee with me?!

I wish I wasn’t awake, but I was. I was I was still sedated but I wasn’t. I wish he wouldn’t know me so well.

-Yeah. Coffee sounds great. I’ll be down in a bit.

He smiled, got up and walked towards the door. Just before he went out he turned back to the bed and asked:

-Did anything happen while I was away?

I held back all the memories that wanted to burst out and overlap reality sticking them  back into the darkness of my mind. I held back my tears and paused for a bit before answering him.

-No. Life went on as usual.

-Good!

He smiles again and walks out. Left alone, awake, sober I hold back the tears and try to ignore the complete loneliness that covered me. I’m pretty sure the effort that took killed a part of me. It didn’t just feel like it.


-So what did you do in the past few days?
Fresh coffee was waiting for me as I walked into the living room and so was that question.
-You're the one that went home to have fun. I should be asking you!
-It was alright yeah. Went out with friends....
-Nice quality time with the family?
-Yeah.
-Standard good times?
-Pretty much.
-I missed you, you know?! And a part of me wished I was lieing, but I wasn't.
-Awww. Romania! Well I'm back now.
-Treating me like I'm retarded again.
-Well you're not exactly an English oral are you?!
-No. I'm an Eastern European Oral!

After he left I went down to the sea and attended my brother's funeral.