9 coming back

I woke up wondering where I am....  I  had a flash back of the naked girl  that came into that room last night, pulled off my covers looked at me intensively as I turned around with the usual calm I treat druggies and asked "what is it?". She looked at me, while standing there naked articulating a " Would you...?". I must have said "no" as she ran out. I realised I sure as fuck am in England even though I dreamt of my brother as if he were with me. I gazed out the window for a few seconds trying to figure out the city and as I looked around the room I remembered.

The cigarette smoke made me dizzy. I thought to myself : "It mush have been years..." and I wasn't wrong.

I had many questions in my mind that I was struggling to put aside and just politely stare at the seaside as if I was  somehow obliged to do so every morning. Like a ritual I had to perform while I'm here.

"Did you sleep well?". That pulled out of my trance for a bit.

"Yeah."

"Was the room too cold?"

"No. Really. Everything was great. You know me in the morning."

"You want me to make you some coffee?"

"No. Cheers. I'll be off to campus anyway. I'll stop for a Starbucks on the way 'cause I need the wi-fi."

"I'm sorry! Monday..."

"Stop! You're being a great host really. Just stop it!"

"You need any help with the luggage?"

"No it's alright. Just go to Braxhill! And have fun. I'm gonna be alright."

"Should I give you keys?"

"We'll work something out."

I stupidly left with no keys and no way to get into the house, practically locking myself out with a long day and a tone of luggage. It's a good thing that boy loves me 'cause otherwise he wouldn't have ran after me.... or given me a home. He did his best to offer me a home, it certainly wasn't his fault I was at home only on the road. He was trying so hard so I had to try and be happy, but that morning I couldn't put on any makeup so I really couldn't be anyone else but Ana. 

As I sat down I thought about my brother and what I said that night on the terrace.That night, I cursed him to suffer and be mortal with tears in my eyes and desperation in my voice...I ran away from the thought that reminded me why I did that. I also ran away from the thought that reminded me my curse was coming true. It was his birthday, but Ana couldn't really think about that.

I opened my laptop and read my promised 'sex story'. I lack the will and the words to talk or think about it, but I didn't lack the will or the words to crush the man that was reading it along with me. 

As I felt his eyes over the screen I threw quick, meaningful looks his way but he didn't stop. He was in his thirties by the looks of it, and enjoyed watching more than doing. So I rolled myself a fag and got up.
'Long distance. What can you do?!' My smile must have been beautiful 'cause he left straight after and I could see him stumbling as he walked away. I figured today wasn't a bad day at all.